Letting Go
I took a walk one day in May,
My heart was heavy, my thoughts far away.
I know my journey is mine to own.
My choices are my Consequences,
I must face them alone.
But, fear walks with me no matter where I go.
The unknown weighing heavy,
Is the fear I know.
With common sense playing a big part.
This part of spirit is closest to my heart.
We're not expected to know all the unknowns.
Nor the steps we walk in this world alone.
It's the thrill of the adventure,
Our spirit seeks to find.
The quicken of my heart
This part makes my spirit feel a live.
So I have learned....
Trust in your Faith, being patient as you go.
“Letting Go” allows the Spirit,
To follow the natural flow.
The story how I came to make this move is interesting and I can't help look back on this decision with a clearer understanding for this time in my life. But then...I was scared shitless!!
I was reading alot of Wayne Dyer books and the one thing he said, "Change your Thoughts, Change your Life" and I took it to heart in the mid summer of that very year.
The apartment I lived during my seven years in Hagerstown, was one of eight total apartments in this house like structure on Franklin Street. Many landlords bought up old houses barely passing housing codes and made apartments and rented them out to anyone who had the money up front. Franklin ran straight through the middle of Hagerstown and was the most direct road to D.C and the other direction to Balitimore. Franklin Street saw it all and with eight bars in between, I never felt safe to go out after dark. The building I live in seem to be the worst for drugs and crime and my landlord didn't care who he rent to. I witness shootings, stabbings, and Drug Raids any time, day or night, that summer seemed to be the worse.
One mid June morning, my neighbor on the bottom floor notice a foul smell coming from across the hall, the apartment directly under me. After not getting a response from his knocking and pounding the police was called. Breaking into the front ground level window, they found a young man laying on a mattress on the floor dead from a gun shot wound to the head. He had been dead for several days and with the summer heat and no air condition his body had decomposed to unspeakable state. I had only meant the young man maybe a couple of times. He was polite and very quiet. A very young man in his early twenties. He had only live down stairs a couple of months. I soon learned later that the only furnture the boy had in the apartment was the mattress and few personal belongings. The electric had been shut off so he been living there without power for some time. All I could think was how hot that apartment had to get with all the windows closed. Who ever done this didn't want him to be found for a long while. Looking back I remember how creepy still the block a had been during this time. There was some gossip that it was drug related, like most homacides in the area. But this happen right under me and I couldn't help but be freaked out.
The landlord and I had words about his choice of tenents on more then one occasion, so I felt from the get go, he had some responsiblity for the death of this young man. Then he took over two weeks to clean the mess. As long as I had lived there, that ground floor apartment was always trouble. It set right off the street and if someone wasn't renting, it didn't go empty. During the two weeks after the young man was found the apartment was left open to air out, some one set the apartment on fire. Thank God, I was already up when I smelled the smoke. I was watching the fire trucks leave and it was at this point I knew something had to change. I wanted out of Hagerstown, so I set into motion a plan that would get me out.
"Change your Thoughts, Change you Life" Ok Wayne, am ready to change my life!
My book was going to print about the same time of this move and I had been writing long enough to know I wasn't going to stop any time soon. I knew from the moment I wrote my first poem, I would find a way to write full time and make a living off of it. It didn't take long to realize I didn't want to be the "starving artist" so my first step was to downsize my life and honey that's what I did. Before I move to Kansas City I would do it again.
In Early May, before the death of this sad young man, I had been entertaining thoughts of a writing career. But in order to take these thoughts seriously I had to make some changes in my lifestyle. I took a few writing classes and graduated and was taking my sweet time, until...
I felt the Universe literally kick my butt. Watching the Fire Trucks drive off force me in to action. My intent was to start a new life in Ocean City, Md and I needed to clean house. I had gathered alot of stuff over seven years and taking from Cheryl Richardson the Life Coach, to make change you need to clean up your life to let new come in. The timing was as good as it was going to get. I started by getting rid of anything I didn't need, haven't use in the past month, or had more then I needed. A month long yard sale took care of most of this. What I hadn't sold by moving day, I gave away. Everything I was taking had to fit in a pick up truck, and in tow would be an old ferret name Angel and a small rescue tabby name Lili. It would take nearly nine hours to make the trip. As my boyfriend drove I watch out the window, I couldn't help feel alittle fearfull and at the same time I was excited. A new adventure was ahead and I knew in my heart, it had to be better then what I left behind.
